Prowl (2010)

"She was running from her life, now she's running for it."

Synopsis: Amber dreams of escaping her small town existence and persuades her friends to accompany her to find an apartment in the big city. When their transportation breaks down, she and her friends gratefully accept a ride in the back of a semi. But when the driver refuses to stop and they discover the cargo is hundreds of cartons of blood, they panic. Their panic turns to terror when the truck disgorges them into a dark, abandoned warehouse where blood-thirsty creatures learn to hunt human prey, which, the friends realize, is what they now are...

My Thoughts: I'm not the biggest fan of the vampire genre, especially all that True Blood/Twilight stuff. I prefer when they use the "30 Days of Night" psycho vampires. After watching the trailer, I knew this one fell into that category, making it the one After Dark Originals movie that I was looking forward to.

The concept was a nice twist on the normal vampire film, so it's a shame that was all wasted by such bad direction. I'm sure it's a just case of inexperience, but what a mess. The pacing was awful and when you add in the terrible camerawork with the sub-par acting, well you see where this is going.

I don't want to get too into the story, since the less you know going into it the better (hint: it's gotta twist ending. a terrible twist ending, but a twist ending none-the-less). What I will tell you is that a lot of the things we horror fans look for in our indy horror flicks just aren't here. The gore was way too implied. They would either cut away or use the shaky camera trick. The creature make-up was awful (see the picture below for proof of that). The characters were completely lame. I couldn't really give a damn about the main character. The asshole of the group wasn't big enough of an asshole. The promiscuous friend wasn't big enough of a whore. On top of that, there was no nudity whatsoever. Not that we're missing much. I mean, I wouldn't exactly call it an ugly cast, but they could have probably used an upgrade or at least cleaned them up a little.

I have to believe this movie had a really low budget, which makes me wonder what it could have been with an experienced director, some better actors and a little more cash.



My Rating: 4.5 / 10





I think After Dark making their own movies might have been a bad idea, though this is probably the best of the 3 that I've seen from this year's crop.

Not a bad rental, just don't expect much.

"click here to see the trailer"

Blades (1989)

"Just when you thought it was safe to putt!"

Synopsis: People are showing up sliced and diced at Tall Grass Country Club. Norman, the owner of the club, wants to avoid undue publicity on the eve of the televised pro-am tournament, and encourages new pro Roy to get to the bottom of the killings quietly. Roy has a history of alcohol problems since he choked while playing a big tournament years before, and Kelly, who feels she should have been hired as the new pro, isn't making the situation easier for him, insisting they cancel the tournament until the killer can be stopped. After a seedy character named Deke Slater is arrested, the owner relaxes, but Roy and Kelly begin to feel that Deke's rantings about a runaway lawnmower aren't so far-fetched after all, and after Deke is released the three of them prepare for a battle to the death out on the uncharted fairways.

My Thoughts: Let me get this straight. Someone had an idea to make a "Jaws" rip-off and to replace the shark with a killer lawnmower at a golf course and he actually talked somebody else into giving him money to make it. That's good enough for me.

This wasn't really what I expected going in. The actors played it straight, no matter how ridiculous the situations got. I thought that was a strange way to go. The choice for the two lead actors was also a little off. They must have looked for the most boring people they could find. Their acting wasn't overly bad for this type of movie, just fuckin' blah.

The lawnmower scenes were kinda funny, especially when it had the balloons with the smiley faces hanging off of it (obviously, it doesn't take much to amuse me). It could have used a little more gore, but in the late 80's that's just how it was. The biggest problem I had was with the 1:40 running time, someone needed to edit this bitch. It would have helped this movie ...a little.

My Rating: 3.5 / 10






It's a movie about a killer lawnmower at a golf course. What can I say? Click on the link below to watch a 9 min. version and save yourself an hour & a half.

"click here to watch the highlights"

Siren (2010)

"Seduction is murder..."

Synopsis: A group of friends escaping the city for a weekend away have a simple plan, to tour the coast for a relaxing weekend. Things hit a snag when one of the friends spots a seductive, sultry young woman waving for help off the shore of one of many secluded islands along the coast. Reaching out to rescue her turns deadly and they risk everything to get off the island alive.

My Thoughts: I tried to like this movie. It had a couple hot chicks who didn't mind gettin naked, the acting was pretty decent, it was an original idea (there might have already been a horror flick involving 'sirens', but I can't remember one). The problem I had was about halfway through I started to get really aggravated. I don't know exactly what it was, but my guess is it was that annoying fuckin' song that the siren kept singing. I realize that sirens hypnotize people with their singing making it necessary to the plot, but still...

This was the late Andrew Hull's first feature film. The former British art director (P2, Get Over It) passed away soon after completing this movie. He showed promise here and it's a shame we'll never get to see what he could have done with better material.

Super-hot Aussie, Anna Skellern (Descent 2) helped me get through this during the slow parts and really is one of the only reasons to watch this one. Maybe someday I'll revisit this if I could find a way to overdub the siren's song with some old school Slayer tunes.



My Rating: 4 / 10




BTW, the DVD artwork that Lionsgate chose for this one is so fuckin' stupid (click here) and it gives me another reason to dislike this movie.

It's at the redbox and i guess it's maybe worth a buck.

"click here to see the trailer"

Deranged (1974)

a.k.a. Deranged: Confessions of a Necrophile
"Pretty Sally Mae died a very unnatural death! ... But the worst hasn't happened to her yet!"

Synopsis: A man living in rural Wisconsin takes care of his bed-ridden mother, who is very domineering and teaches him that all women are evil. After she dies he misses her, so a year later he digs her up and takes her home. He learns about taxidermy and begins robbing graves to get materials to patch her up, and inevitably begins looking for fresher sources of materials. Based closely on the true story of Ed Gein.

My Thoughts: One great thing I find about horror (more so than in other genres) is when you throw on a movie, no matter what your expectations are about it going in, there's always a chance that you'll find a true hidden gem. That being said, I still can't believe that this movie has eluded me all these years. I blame the horror movie review sites for not giving this film it's just due. You bastards! I won't be making that mistake.

I gotta say, this movie would be nothing without the performance of Roberts Blossom, who played Ezra Cobb. I couldn't remember where I'd seen him from so i looked him up. He was the old man at the beginning of "Christine" that sold Arnie the car. Anyway, he's fuckin' weird and extremely creepy ...and oh, did I mention completely insane? Blossom's so believable in this role and I think it's a shame that more horror fans don't talk this one up.

You would think that this movie would get some notoriety because of it being Tom Savini's first job as a make-up artist. Savini and his crew did a great job (considering how long ago this was made), especially on the corpses. They really helped add to the eerie mood of the film. It's a great start to his legendary career.

My Rating: 8.5 / 10






This is a must-own, especially for fans of the original "Texas Chainsaw Massacre". You can pick up the Midnite Movies double feature DVD from MGM on amazon.com for under $7. A great deal considering that you'll also get "Motel Hell" on the flip-side.

"click here to see the trailer"

Movies That I'm Dying To See: March 2011

...Here's some trailers for twelve of the horror flicks that I'm dying to see this year (in no particular order). Of course, there's a lot more. These are just the top of the heap.

.Coming Attractions
THE WARD

It's John Carpenter, enough said! Limited theatrical release on April 15th.


PROWL

After seeing After Dark's two shitty SyFy channel releases ("Husk" and "51") my hopes for this one aren't as high, but it does look like the best of this year's Horrorfest offerings.


THE VIOLENT KIND

Supposedly it's loaded with tons of gore and naked chicks. DVD is being released on May 10th ...can't wait!


STAKE LAND

Cool lookin' vampire hunter flick from "Mulberry Street" director Jim Mickle and starring Danielle Harris. Limited theatrical release on April 22nd.


I SAW THE DEVIL

I missed the limited theater release (because I live in Las Vegas and it sucks here), so I guess I'll be waitin' forever for the DVD.


DETENTION

I'm a sucker for slashers, even high school slasher-comedies. I know, I need help.


SEASON OF DARKNESS

What's it about? A mental patient escapes from an asylum seeking true freedom only to find horrifying insanity in the outside world. That's all I know.


SHE WOLF RISING

A horror movie about scream queens, starring scream queens. Ahhh Yeah!


MOTHER'S DAY

Remake of the 1980 exploitation classic. Will it be as good or as weird? I doubt it, but Rebecca De Mornay was cast as the mother ...so I just gotta see this. Release date: April 1st.


VIY

The trailer has me sold, although a U.S. release will probably take forever.


MIDNIGHT SON

I came across the trailer for this indy vampire flick completely by accident, Release date: No clue?


BONNIE & CLYDE vs. DRACULA

I've been waiting over 3 years to see this one, now it's personal. I really don't care if it sucks or not ...I will see this movie.

.

Frailty (2001)

"No Soul Is Safe."

Synopsis: Fenton Meeks (Matthew McConaughey), comes forth to tell the FBI that his brother Adam may be the serial killer who calls himself God's Hands, who the FBI has been searching for. The film uses flashbacks to show Meeks' childhood with a father (Bill Paxton) who believed he was on a mission from God to destroy demons that inhabit human bodies. Fenton saw his dad as evil, while Adam saw him as a hero.

My Thoughts: I've always been a fan of Bill Paxton. I'm not sure exactly why. It could be because a large percentage of the films that he's in are badass. It could be because he directed the "Fish Heads" video from Barnes & Barnes back in the day. Whatever it is, I guess a gotta non-sexual man crush on the guy. So What!

Frailty is basically a homage to both the directing of Alfred Hitchcock & the writing of Stephen King. With the help of a great cast (led by Paxton, with McConaughey and Powers Boothe ), this turned out to be a damn fine popcorn flick with a pretty good twist ending.

After watching "the making of" featurette, my only question is: Why doesn't Bill Paxton direct more movies? Besides the aforementioned "Fish Heads" video way back in 1980 and the golf movie "The Greatest Game Ever Played" in 2005, this is all he has done. For that he gets a WTF! Maybe now that Big Love's finished up he can get back behind the camera.

My Rating: 7.5 / 10







Definitely worth a watch, especially for Bill Paxton fans or if you're into Stephen King.

"click here to see the trailer"

Treevenge (2008)

-

Synopsis: Foul-mouthed lumberjacks descend on a hillside of trees, cutting them down and trucking them to Christmas tree lots where families paw them, pick one out, take it home, stick it in a stand, and decorate it. The trees experience terror throughout the ordeal: we hear their squeals of pain when axed or sawn, the emotion of separation from family and friends, the fear of the unknown, and the despair they feel during the strange and bizarre rituals of families at Christmas. On Christmas morning, the trees strike back. Man, woman, child, and pet may be in for a grisly end.

My Thoughts: What can I say about this soon-to-be Christmas classic? It's definitely gonna be a fixture in my holiday horror rotation for years to come. The baby's head squashing scene is one of the greatest kills of all-time.

Writer/director Jason Eisener took a totally fucked up idea, an idea that Troma probably wishes they thought of first, and made an amazing short film. Let's be honest, if this was turned into a feature there's a pretty good chance it would be crap. I doubt killer trees could hold my attention for 90 minutes. I guess we'll see if a "Hobo with a Shotgun" could when Eisener's Grindhouse mock-trailer gets turned into a full-length film later this year.

Okay, a Christmas themed horror/comedy about tree revenge might not be what most people look for on St. Patrick's Day, but I can't think of anything better to watch after downing a bunch of green beers.

My Rating: 8.25 / 10





Well worth 16 minutes of your time. Watch it here.