Be Kind, Rewind: The VHS Reviews ~ The Hook Of Woodland Heights (1988)

"Mason Crane....The Perfect Guest For Thanksgiving Dinner, Carving Is His Specialty."

Synopsis: We begin this late-80's slasher with a couple of teenagers, Tommy (Michael Elyanow) and Katie (Christine McNamara), who drive off into the woods to make out ...well, Tommy's there to make out. Now we cut to the Woodland Penitentiary, where a mental patient/serial killer named Mason Crane (Robert W. Allen) is in the process of being transfered from one cell to another. Mason murders the three guards and quickly high tails it to the nearby forest, coincidentally in the exact same direction of our two pre-occupied teens. He finds a BBQ fork, bends it into a hook and jams it into the stump where he's missing a hand and the rest you'll have to see for yourself....

Come on, it's only a half-hour long.

...and it's free on youtube.

"click here to watch it on youtube."

My Thoughts: I'm not sure if i'd say this falls into the 'so-bad-it's-good' category, but it definitely has it's share of WTF moments (like the 'clipboard kill'). The dialog and the acting are both pretty funny and the killer is fuckin' hilarious. It also includes some kick-ass 80's rock for all you over-the-hill metalheads out there. The short running time really saves it. If this was a full-length movie I doubt I could have even made it all the way through.

My Rating: 4 / 10




This was originally released on VHS in 1990 from Media House Productions with Michael Savino's other film, "Attack Of The Killer Refrigerator" (also on youtube). I noticed the creators of these forgotten horror-shorts are selling autographed copies on-line (now only available on dvd, of course) for the ridiculous price of $25. If you're up for a quick laugh, then check it out on youtube.

Treevenge (2008)

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Synopsis: Foul-mouthed lumberjacks descend on a hillside of trees, cutting them down and trucking them to Christmas tree lots where families paw them, pick one out, take it home, stick it in a stand, and decorate it. The trees experience terror throughout the ordeal: we hear their squeals of pain when axed or sawn, the emotion of separation from family and friends, the fear of the unknown, and the despair they feel during the strange and bizarre rituals of families at Christmas. On Christmas morning, the trees strike back. Man, woman, child, and pet may be in for a grisly end.

My Thoughts: What can I say about this soon-to-be Christmas classic? It's definitely gonna be a fixture in my holiday horror rotation for years to come. The baby's head squashing scene is one of the greatest kills of all-time.

Writer/director Jason Eisener took a totally fucked up idea, an idea that Troma probably wishes they thought of first, and made an amazing short film. Let's be honest, if this was turned into a feature there's a pretty good chance it would be crap. I doubt killer trees could hold my attention for 90 minutes. I guess we'll see if a "Hobo with a Shotgun" could when Eisener's Grindhouse mock-trailer gets turned into a full-length film later this year.

Okay, a Christmas themed horror/comedy about tree revenge might not be what most people look for on St. Patrick's Day, but I can't think of anything better to watch after downing a bunch of green beers.

My Rating: 8.25 / 10





Well worth 16 minutes of your time. Watch it here.