Monday, March 7, 2011

Stupid Teenagers Must Die! (2006)

a.k.a. Blood & Guts
"Excessive Violence, Gratuitous Nudity, Zero Budget..."

Synopsis: It's the 1980's and a group of teenagers are getting together to hold a séance in a haunted house. All the typical 80's horror movie characters are there: the cool hero, the innocent girlfriend, the goth chick, the tough guy, the beautiful blonde girl, the shy guy in love with the beautiful blonde girl, a couple of lipstick lesbians and two big geeks. In true low budget 80's horror movie fashion, weird things start happening around the house. One dimensional characters are dying preposterously bloody deaths, girls are getting naked for no apparent reason and people walk into dangerous, pitch black rooms saying classic lines like, "Is someone in here?" As the poor, hapless kids are sliced and diced, it's up to our hero to lead the remaining survivors to safety before the house is filled with stupid dead teenagers.

My Thoughts: It's a good thing that the synopsis is so long because I really don't have much to say about this one. I understand what they were going for here and I do like my share of b-horror, but this movie didn't work for me at all.

It's supposed to be set in the 80's, so they throw a cheap Michael Jackson jacket on the black guy and make a reference to playing Atari. Sorry if I don't find that shit funny. The sound editing made it impossible to hear, which is one of my biggest pet peeves (you hear that Tim Sullivan, "Field of Screams" sucked balls!). The gore was so damn bad and not funny bad, just bad.

They probably shouldn't have even bothered with the comedy angle. Comedy is all about timing and these actors had none whatsoever. Using comedy in this is kinda like a fat kid in school making fun of himself first before someone else starts picking on him. A total cop out. I don't blame the fat kid, but I do blame the people in charge of making this movie.

Well, there you go. A shitty movie. A shitty review.

My Rating: 2 / 10

Learn from my mistakes and skip it at all costs.

"click here to see the trailer"

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