Sunday, April 17, 2011

River of Darkness (2010)

"Terror Flows Upstream"

Synopsis: When unspeakable evil falls on a quiet river town, Sheriff Will Logan (Kurt Angle) is thrust into a chilling nightmare of death and mayhem. He is confronted with a series of horrific murders, each more viscous than the last, and soon learns of the community’s seedy past and the evil that has risen from purgatory to exact revenge on the town. When Sheriff Logan discovers that the murders are committed by the spirits of old river squatters, the Jacobs Boys (Kevin Nash & Sid Vicious), the town explodes into an battlefield of blazing guns and zombies.

  Once The Jacobs Boys exact their punishing vengeance on the town it’s up to Sheriff Logan to unravel the shocking mystery of the past and slam the Boys back to hell.

My Thoughts: Q: What do you get when you take a bunch of washed up pro wrestlers and throw in b-movie legend Bill Hinzman (the lead zombie from Romero's Night of the Living Dead)? A: Hilarity

This movie is getting torn apart on just about every review site on the net. I can't believe that no one seems to see the so-bad-it's-good quality of this film. I gotta admit after the first 5 minutes or so I too thought to myself "WTF is this shit", but after listening to line after line of ridiculous dialog delivered by actors without an ounce of talent, it really won me over.

There's no doubt in my mind that this movie will someday take it's place beside films like Troll 2 in the best worst movie hall of fame. It's got it all, ridicious writing, bad directing, terrible acting, horrible zombie effects and no production value whatsoever. The only thing it's missing, which would make this the perfect bad movie, is some gratuitous nudity. I guess we can't have it all.

My Rating: 5.25 / 10

Get a group of friends together, pop this in and let the laughter begin.

"click here to see the trailer"

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